Bah Humbug!

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Can you believe that we have absolutely NO Christmas decorations up this year?! Not one. Bah humbug, right?

Yeah, well… it’s more like this:

I’m just not about “stuff”.

Oh, I’m all about “stuff that’ll make your life easier” or “stuff that’ll save you time” or “stuff that’ll make you money”… but tiny ceramic Santas and fuzzy snowmen just don’t do it for me.

Nor do circus carnival lights lining the perimeter of my home. Not even the simple, white ones…

I guess all the rednecks have pretty much ruined that whole concept for me. I mean, c’mon… if you can’t hang your lights in a neat and tidy way, why even do it? What IS it about a jumbled mess of tiny lightbulbs tossed haphazardly upon a bush, a tree, a mailbox, or “most of the left side of your home” looks good to you???

You Call That A “Decoration”?
Not to mention the fact that everyone (and their neighbor!) has taken yard art to a whole new level with those blow-up giant-sized holiday inflatables. I swear, everyone’s trying to turn their front yard into an animated, pop-up, pre-lit, life-sized, Santa’s village — complete with white lights on the pink flamingos, and dangling icicles from the little fairy trolls that grace the yards across this country year-round!

I really start to dread the holiday season (which officially begins on September 30th each year) simply for the fact that neighborhoods (in my state and yours) go from nice middle-class family-raising home dwellers to redneck losers — starting with Halloween. And it doesn’t stop until, oh… February 1st (that is, except for the TRULY spirited who choose to follow Gretchen Wilson’s philosophy and leave their decorations up all year round).

So, Who’s To Blame?
I blame the department stores and the media for this. They are responsible for giving us all that sparkle in our eye when we first realize that an impending holiday is upon us. They are the ones that push us to feel like we have to decorate so early… They do it to build excitement early so we’ll swoop up all their “special buys” on decorations — A MONTH OR TWO BEFORE THE HOLIDAY EVEN TAKES PLACE!

And then, my biggest fear finally came true last year, when “Halloween icicle lights” in the color of Orange hit the store shelves… When you see someone who’s willing to go to such lengths as to get up on their roof and balance themselves outside their 2nd-story window just to hang lights for Halloween… THAT’s when you know you can expect some “interesting” things from them for the next 3 months straight!

And The Award Goes To…
So, who wins the destinguished Jeff Foxworthy Award in YOUR neighborhood this year? (It’s not you, is it?)

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